Emotional Intelligence

Based on my self test and the speech given by Hank Weisinger, I feel that the top two areas that I need to improve on with my emotional intelligence are learning how to relax and making tasks underwhelming, not over whelming. I find that when I am in stressful situations I will tend to become very anxious or even panic. As Hank said in his speech, this has an effect on your health and productivity. I know that this is not the best technique for me to use and I really want to change how I deal with stress. I will try to follow the guidelines thank Hank gave in his speech. He said that you must practice relaxing so that it becomes something natural and easy for you to do. In order to practice relaxing you must have a quiet environment, be physically comfortable, have a key phrase or mental image to focus on, and have a passive attitude. I know that I definitely do not practice relaxing enough, so I plan to take 15 minutes out of every day to help me practice relaxing. This way I will be more comfortable and familiar with these methods and will be able to use them in stressful situations.
I also find that I make my tasks too overwhelming and try to take on too many things at once. Hank said that making tasks underwhelming will help you to feel a greater sense of accomplishment and will help you slowly set larger goals. I need to realize that I am only one person and that sometimes other people need to take on these tasks instead of me. I will make a conscious effort to no longer overwhelm myself, but underwhelm myself. If I use the above techniques I have described, I think I will be able to greatly improve my emotional intelligence.

Self Disclosure and Socail Networking

I think that people take on totally different personas when they are online. When you are on the internet, specifically social networking sites, no one knows who you really are. You can be anyone you want and nobody would know if it’s really who you are or not. I think that because of this, people tend to share a lot more personal information about themselves. They do this because they figure that they will never meet these people.
People also tend to have more confidence and be more opened online. In face to face interactions, there is often a lot of pressure speaking to other people and making first impressions. Online, however, you have time to think about what you want to say and you do not have to worry about impressing people. If people do not like what you are saying, they simply will not look at it. But in face to face conversation, if you are in an uncomfortable situation, you cannot just walk away. People also tend to be more outspoken because of this. It is a lot easier to say something mean or hurtful to someone when you do not have to look them in the eye.
People do really need to be careful about their self-disclosure online because employers are starting to look at Facebooks and blogs of potential employees. If you disclose too much personal information on your Facebook, this can hinder you from getting a job. Employers do not want to hire employees that post about being depressed or violent. They simply do not want people like this in their workplaces.
Though it is more comfortable and tends to be easier to self-disclose on the internet, you should just be cautious about how much information is too much. If you do not want your friends and family to know something, then why would you post it for the entire world to see?

Interpersonal Communication and Conflict

When I find myself in a conflict situation I often use the empathy approach to resolve it. This approach says that you put yourself in the shoes of the other person. I find that when I have a conflict, it often arises from the fact that the other person and I do not see eye to eye about something. If I can put myself in the other person’s shoes and understand where they are coming from, I can better understand why they feel the way they feel. This helps me to figure out how to resolve the conflict. I usually use thought empathy, which shows that you understand what the other person is trying to say. Other times, I use the “I” statements. This shows the other person that I am taking responsibility for what I did wrong and I apologize.
I do not use the defusing technique because I feel that it is the same thing as ignoring the problem. If you just tell the other person that they are right, then the conflict is not resolved and you cannot get your point across. I do not use exploration because I know if I was upset I would not want the other person asking me a lot of questions. It would only make me more upset. I also do not use stroking because if I am angry, the last thing I want to do is compliment the other person. This would just make me more upset.
I know that there have also been many times that I have failed to use healthy methods and have resorted to unhealthy conflict resolution. My favorite method to use is blaming the other person. I do this all the time when I fight with my sister or boyfriend. I do not want to admit that I am wrong, so I just blame everything on them. I also tend to get very mad and take offense to a lot of things other people say.
I think that using the healthy methods can be very useful in resolving conflicts, however the hardest part is staying calm and clear headed enough to enforce them. These techniques definitely have the potential to work, but when you are in a very heated discussion, people often forget these techniques and wind up using unhealthy techniques.