Based on my self test and the speech given by Hank Weisinger, I feel that the top two areas that I need to improve on with my emotional intelligence are learning how to relax and making tasks underwhelming, not over whelming. I find that when I am in stressful situations I will tend to become very anxious or even panic. As Hank said in his speech, this has an effect on your health and productivity. I know that this is not the best technique for me to use and I really want to change how I deal with stress. I will try to follow the guidelines thank Hank gave in his speech. He said that you must practice relaxing so that it becomes something natural and easy for you to do. In order to practice relaxing you must have a quiet environment, be physically comfortable, have a key phrase or mental image to focus on, and have a passive attitude. I know that I definitely do not practice relaxing enough, so I plan to take 15 minutes out of every day to help me practice relaxing. This way I will be more comfortable and familiar with these methods and will be able to use them in stressful situations.
I also find that I make my tasks too overwhelming and try to take on too many things at once. Hank said that making tasks underwhelming will help you to feel a greater sense of accomplishment and will help you slowly set larger goals. I need to realize that I am only one person and that sometimes other people need to take on these tasks instead of me. I will make a conscious effort to no longer overwhelm myself, but underwhelm myself. If I use the above techniques I have described, I think I will be able to greatly improve my emotional intelligence.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Self Disclosure and Socail Networking
I think that people take on totally different personas when they are online. When you are on the internet, specifically social networking sites, no one knows who you really are. You can be anyone you want and nobody would know if it’s really who you are or not. I think that because of this, people tend to share a lot more personal information about themselves. They do this because they figure that they will never meet these people.
People also tend to have more confidence and be more opened online. In face to face interactions, there is often a lot of pressure speaking to other people and making first impressions. Online, however, you have time to think about what you want to say and you do not have to worry about impressing people. If people do not like what you are saying, they simply will not look at it. But in face to face conversation, if you are in an uncomfortable situation, you cannot just walk away. People also tend to be more outspoken because of this. It is a lot easier to say something mean or hurtful to someone when you do not have to look them in the eye.
People do really need to be careful about their self-disclosure online because employers are starting to look at Facebooks and blogs of potential employees. If you disclose too much personal information on your Facebook, this can hinder you from getting a job. Employers do not want to hire employees that post about being depressed or violent. They simply do not want people like this in their workplaces.
Though it is more comfortable and tends to be easier to self-disclose on the internet, you should just be cautious about how much information is too much. If you do not want your friends and family to know something, then why would you post it for the entire world to see?
People also tend to have more confidence and be more opened online. In face to face interactions, there is often a lot of pressure speaking to other people and making first impressions. Online, however, you have time to think about what you want to say and you do not have to worry about impressing people. If people do not like what you are saying, they simply will not look at it. But in face to face conversation, if you are in an uncomfortable situation, you cannot just walk away. People also tend to be more outspoken because of this. It is a lot easier to say something mean or hurtful to someone when you do not have to look them in the eye.
People do really need to be careful about their self-disclosure online because employers are starting to look at Facebooks and blogs of potential employees. If you disclose too much personal information on your Facebook, this can hinder you from getting a job. Employers do not want to hire employees that post about being depressed or violent. They simply do not want people like this in their workplaces.
Though it is more comfortable and tends to be easier to self-disclose on the internet, you should just be cautious about how much information is too much. If you do not want your friends and family to know something, then why would you post it for the entire world to see?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Interpersonal Communication and Conflict
When I find myself in a conflict situation I often use the empathy approach to resolve it. This approach says that you put yourself in the shoes of the other person. I find that when I have a conflict, it often arises from the fact that the other person and I do not see eye to eye about something. If I can put myself in the other person’s shoes and understand where they are coming from, I can better understand why they feel the way they feel. This helps me to figure out how to resolve the conflict. I usually use thought empathy, which shows that you understand what the other person is trying to say. Other times, I use the “I” statements. This shows the other person that I am taking responsibility for what I did wrong and I apologize.
I do not use the defusing technique because I feel that it is the same thing as ignoring the problem. If you just tell the other person that they are right, then the conflict is not resolved and you cannot get your point across. I do not use exploration because I know if I was upset I would not want the other person asking me a lot of questions. It would only make me more upset. I also do not use stroking because if I am angry, the last thing I want to do is compliment the other person. This would just make me more upset.
I know that there have also been many times that I have failed to use healthy methods and have resorted to unhealthy conflict resolution. My favorite method to use is blaming the other person. I do this all the time when I fight with my sister or boyfriend. I do not want to admit that I am wrong, so I just blame everything on them. I also tend to get very mad and take offense to a lot of things other people say.
I think that using the healthy methods can be very useful in resolving conflicts, however the hardest part is staying calm and clear headed enough to enforce them. These techniques definitely have the potential to work, but when you are in a very heated discussion, people often forget these techniques and wind up using unhealthy techniques.
I do not use the defusing technique because I feel that it is the same thing as ignoring the problem. If you just tell the other person that they are right, then the conflict is not resolved and you cannot get your point across. I do not use exploration because I know if I was upset I would not want the other person asking me a lot of questions. It would only make me more upset. I also do not use stroking because if I am angry, the last thing I want to do is compliment the other person. This would just make me more upset.
I know that there have also been many times that I have failed to use healthy methods and have resorted to unhealthy conflict resolution. My favorite method to use is blaming the other person. I do this all the time when I fight with my sister or boyfriend. I do not want to admit that I am wrong, so I just blame everything on them. I also tend to get very mad and take offense to a lot of things other people say.
I think that using the healthy methods can be very useful in resolving conflicts, however the hardest part is staying calm and clear headed enough to enforce them. These techniques definitely have the potential to work, but when you are in a very heated discussion, people often forget these techniques and wind up using unhealthy techniques.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Styles of Listening
I think that I am a people centered listener. I feel that when I listen to people I have compassion for them and try to be as understanding as possible of their emotions. When interacting with others, I always try to compromise and I think that I work well in groups. I feel comfortable in both groups and interpersonal situations.
I think I learned this approach from my family. My father is a therapist so he is always encouraging me to be aware of other people’s feelings and take them into consideration. My mother is also very compassionate and always shows me that she cares about my feelings when she is listening to me. I think in this case, I learned by example through my parents.
This approach works effectively in most situations. When you are talking to other people, they want to know that you care about what they are saying, and I think that I am pretty good at doing that. I do not think that this approach is appropriate in all situations. If you are talking to a boss or in a professional conversation, focusing on emotions might not be the best way to listen. In this case, you should focus on content while you are listening.
I can remember one time I was talking with a friend and she seemed very upset. I was not actually listening to the words she was saying but how she was saying them. I detected a lot of strong emotions in her voice and I asked her if she was ok. She, however, did not want to talk about whatever was bothering her and actually got mad at me when I asked. She thought I was not listening to anything she was saying. In this case, I used people-centered listening to interpret the way she was saying things, but she wanted me to use content centered listening and just listen to what she was actually saying. I now know for the future that some people would rather have you focus on what they are saying rather than how they are saying it.
I think I learned this approach from my family. My father is a therapist so he is always encouraging me to be aware of other people’s feelings and take them into consideration. My mother is also very compassionate and always shows me that she cares about my feelings when she is listening to me. I think in this case, I learned by example through my parents.
This approach works effectively in most situations. When you are talking to other people, they want to know that you care about what they are saying, and I think that I am pretty good at doing that. I do not think that this approach is appropriate in all situations. If you are talking to a boss or in a professional conversation, focusing on emotions might not be the best way to listen. In this case, you should focus on content while you are listening.
I can remember one time I was talking with a friend and she seemed very upset. I was not actually listening to the words she was saying but how she was saying them. I detected a lot of strong emotions in her voice and I asked her if she was ok. She, however, did not want to talk about whatever was bothering her and actually got mad at me when I asked. She thought I was not listening to anything she was saying. In this case, I used people-centered listening to interpret the way she was saying things, but she wanted me to use content centered listening and just listen to what she was actually saying. I now know for the future that some people would rather have you focus on what they are saying rather than how they are saying it.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Technology and Interpersonal Communication
Assumption 1: the computer screen can deceive.
This assumption absolutely applies to Facebook. I know that people make up fake Facebooks for different people and do not reveal their true identity. It is very easy to be deceptive on Facebook because all you need to get one is an e-mail address. This can be very dangerous so you need to make sure that you are careful about who you become friends with. It is also pretty easy to hack someone’s Facebook and pretend to be another person so you have to be really careful about your passwords as well.
Assumption 2: online discussions often prompt introspection.
This assumption applies to when we send messages back and forth to each other on Facebook. A lot of times you will receive a private message from a friend that will have you stop and think about what really happened and how you interpreted things. I know if I am fighting with a friend they will sometimes send me a message rather than talking face to face. Reading this message will really get to me think about what happened and figure out why it happened. Having other people point things out in a private way really helps me think about my flaws and learn from them.
Assumption 3: online discussions promote self-orientation.
You completely control your Facebook page. You decide who to be friends with, who can see your page, and what you want to put on your page. If you are online and don’t feel like talking to someone you can just logout of your Facebook, or choose to ignore them. There is not the need for immediate response like there is in face to face conversation.
Assumption 4: self-disclosure occurs online.
People can choose to put as much or as little information on their Facebook as they want. I personally choose not to put too much information out there because I like to keep my personal life private. However, you can post pretty much anything and everything on Facebook if you want to.
Other concepts:
Screen names: screen names and e-mail addresses are something that you need to pay close attention to. If you are applying to college or applying to a job a lot of the time e-mail will be used. It is important to make sure that your e-mail address is tasteful and not something that you are going to be embarrassed by. I know that in the admissions office if we see an e-mail such as sexijen@aol.com we are a bit turned off by this student.
Privacy sacrificed: you must also understand that when you sign up for these social networking sites, your privacy is being sacrificed. You are opening yourself up to the public eye and putting all of your information out there for everyone to see. Even if you delete things off of your Facebook, they are never really gone. You must be very cautious about what private facts you decide to reveal.
Enhancing your educational accessibility: the internet has become the best resource for finding information and learning new facts. I know that any time I have a question, I immediately Google it. The internet is very convenient and very helpful. It is a useful invention if you know how to use it properly.
Abbreviated language: the use of abbreviated language has caused many problems over the past few years. There have been a lot of problems generationally when it comes to using abbreviated language. A lot of older people do not understand the language that younger people use. There have also been a lot of academic issues with abbreviated language. Students are so used to using this language that they have actually begun to use it in schools, which is very confusing to a lot of teachers. You have to know when and where it is appropriate to use this language.
Write literally: It is very important to say what you mean and mean what you say. When you are on the internet anyone can see what you are writing or posting and everyone interprets things differently. You must be very clear about what you mean so you don’t wind up in trouble when someone misinterprets what you said.
This assumption absolutely applies to Facebook. I know that people make up fake Facebooks for different people and do not reveal their true identity. It is very easy to be deceptive on Facebook because all you need to get one is an e-mail address. This can be very dangerous so you need to make sure that you are careful about who you become friends with. It is also pretty easy to hack someone’s Facebook and pretend to be another person so you have to be really careful about your passwords as well.
Assumption 2: online discussions often prompt introspection.
This assumption applies to when we send messages back and forth to each other on Facebook. A lot of times you will receive a private message from a friend that will have you stop and think about what really happened and how you interpreted things. I know if I am fighting with a friend they will sometimes send me a message rather than talking face to face. Reading this message will really get to me think about what happened and figure out why it happened. Having other people point things out in a private way really helps me think about my flaws and learn from them.
Assumption 3: online discussions promote self-orientation.
You completely control your Facebook page. You decide who to be friends with, who can see your page, and what you want to put on your page. If you are online and don’t feel like talking to someone you can just logout of your Facebook, or choose to ignore them. There is not the need for immediate response like there is in face to face conversation.
Assumption 4: self-disclosure occurs online.
People can choose to put as much or as little information on their Facebook as they want. I personally choose not to put too much information out there because I like to keep my personal life private. However, you can post pretty much anything and everything on Facebook if you want to.
Other concepts:
Screen names: screen names and e-mail addresses are something that you need to pay close attention to. If you are applying to college or applying to a job a lot of the time e-mail will be used. It is important to make sure that your e-mail address is tasteful and not something that you are going to be embarrassed by. I know that in the admissions office if we see an e-mail such as sexijen@aol.com we are a bit turned off by this student.
Privacy sacrificed: you must also understand that when you sign up for these social networking sites, your privacy is being sacrificed. You are opening yourself up to the public eye and putting all of your information out there for everyone to see. Even if you delete things off of your Facebook, they are never really gone. You must be very cautious about what private facts you decide to reveal.
Enhancing your educational accessibility: the internet has become the best resource for finding information and learning new facts. I know that any time I have a question, I immediately Google it. The internet is very convenient and very helpful. It is a useful invention if you know how to use it properly.
Abbreviated language: the use of abbreviated language has caused many problems over the past few years. There have been a lot of problems generationally when it comes to using abbreviated language. A lot of older people do not understand the language that younger people use. There have also been a lot of academic issues with abbreviated language. Students are so used to using this language that they have actually begun to use it in schools, which is very confusing to a lot of teachers. You have to know when and where it is appropriate to use this language.
Write literally: It is very important to say what you mean and mean what you say. When you are on the internet anyone can see what you are writing or posting and everyone interprets things differently. You must be very clear about what you mean so you don’t wind up in trouble when someone misinterprets what you said.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Nonverbal Immedicay Behavior
For my score I got a 112, which is above the average for women. I have noticed that throughout the day I do use a lot of nonverbal. I feel that I use my eyes a lot to communicate with others as well as gestures. I am always moving my hands and pointing or showing something with my movements. I feel that my score shows that I am a very people oriented and friendly person. I am constantly interacting with other people and I feel very comfortable communicating with others. I also think that using nonverbal during conversation helps the other person know that you are listening and paying attention to them. Eye contact is especially important for this.
I feel that I am so nonverbally expressive because of the way I was raised. My family is very close and is constantly using nonverbal communication. I also have a twin sister, so growing up we would have a lot of nonverbal codes that we would use with each other.
I feel that I am so nonverbally expressive because of the way I was raised. My family is very close and is constantly using nonverbal communication. I also have a twin sister, so growing up we would have a lot of nonverbal codes that we would use with each other.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Adaptation Theory
When I conducted my conversations, I first talked to two friends, on separate occasions, about the water situation in Lawrence Township that we are currently experiencing. My third conversation was with my boss at my internship, who had heard nothing about this incident. What I noticed with my two friends was that we all reacted to the situation in the same way. We were all pretty upset which could be seen in our facial expressions and tone of voice. I noticed that when I raised my voice, my friends did too. When I got upset about something, they did as well. I also talk with my hands a lot when I am upset, and I noticed my friends doing a bit of that as well. One of my friends was biting her nails during the conversation and I did not even realize that unconsciously we were doing the same thing. Our actions and words mirrored each other because we were all experiencing the same situation and all having the same feelings about this situation. So, when I talked to each one of my friends and they were both upset, our behaviors almost mocked each other. However, when I spoke to my boss, the situation was very different and I saw a different type of adaptation. Since I was speaking to my boss, I had to speak in a professional tone and my delivery was much different. I spoke a lot softer and with a lot less enthusiasm due to the fact that I was in a professional setting. This definitely affected my boss’s reaction and adjustments. Since I did not use all of the same intonations and gestures with her as I did with my friends, she did not seem to think it was that big of a deal because I did not express that it was that big of a deal. Since I was not getting upset, she did not get upset. Her reactions mimicked my calm tone. So, I saw that in each conversation the adjustments that others made relied heavily on how I was speaking and gesturing.
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